so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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