My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
