he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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