i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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