her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
