I just saw a hot homeless man
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
