I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
