you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
