Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
