kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The ass gains better be worth it
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