so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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