No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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