i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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