Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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