This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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