I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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