I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
