I just pynch a tree in the face
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
