P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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