My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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