your parents love me but you hate me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
