I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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