At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
