Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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