all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
