there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
