I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
