im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
