these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
