So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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