I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
