I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
