I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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