Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I believe in your delicious
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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