I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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