Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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