i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
