My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
