it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
