just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
