what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
