I wish my penis had an off switch
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
