He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize