Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
