my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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