I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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