Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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