I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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