I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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