Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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