my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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