we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
