I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
