:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
