I just made out with a guy for $7.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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