if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
