My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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