I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
