Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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