Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dicks are not precious.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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