Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had sex on a dog bed..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
