My pussy is not your playground.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize