I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
