Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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