only if we run a train.
done.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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