Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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