No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
