just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
