well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize