I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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