Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
