I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
