Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
