the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
soo... how was my night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
