i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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