I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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