ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
